the word of the day "balance"

in life, "balance" plays a big part.
what u eat, what u say, what you do, need it. 
never got to practice it until recently.

it's the time of the sem where exams are here.
it's the time of the sem where ppl chiong proj, chiong exam. 

however,
this year..
it's the time for me to learn and manage the word "balance".

finised 3 papers this week.
torturous.
i can rest.
go out and play.
and then pia again for next week.
but i do not feel like it.
i feel like studying.

boi says i need to stop work and then chiong.
mingyang says i can go cruise and come back. =.=

but i just do not have the mood.
in the end..
i sit at the computer, do mapping and look for jobs.
well, i did heed the advice.
i din study.
HAHA
but i like the environment.
quiet, compact and stress.

i must be out of the mind.

haha.

but i feel that maybe it's because i am too tired.
the "balance" that i would like to maintain.
the "balance" that i would like to learn.
it is not the usual "study and work" routine nemore.
it has now become of more of a balance act that i have to maintain/acheive.

where i have to balance work and home.
i do not feel that i have contributed much to that household.
but i think that my prescence is the least i could do. :p [and it is very much appreciated!!!!]

with the pai kah.
with granny sickness.
with studies.
with money. 
with responsibilities.
with the support that i hope i could provide for boi.

i think this balance sort of thing is not easy.

mama called after exam today and asked whether i am gg hm.
i wanted to.
but she decided that staying in school for me would be a betta idea.
and i willingly agree. (read:i do not feel reluctant)
oh great, at this point in time..
i still have not fulfill the "balance" i want to make.
the"almost everday go visit granny" scheme is also not fulfilled.
I is unbalanced.

i tell myself.. 
this is my time in life to experience responsiblilty.
what exactly is responsibility.
in just half a year.
i got many "events" that tell me that it's REALLY time to grow up.
also with frequents nagging from mumsie.
She is realli thinking very far sometimes.

oh well,
as usual..
i am still dwelling.
i am still not willing to come out of that sheltered self that i have constructed for myself.
hahaha..
there's only one lifetime.
and i wanna enjoy this lifetime with what i wanted n wished to do. :p
that's me.

hoepfully, after exam.
I could relieve mummy in someway or another.
but i doubt so.
hoho.
i promise we will go holiday soon! I sponsored! er.. maybe a few more years later.. hahaha.. *bleah*

i hope granny can come home soon! =)

seriously,
it's at this sort of crucial period.
you can see how one will change. 
or perhaps, what we had overlooked in the past had surfaced out.
but i am glad of the change.

the word "balance" could never happen to me.
i will defi make it unbalance.
haha.
that's me.
i tried.
but i failed.
oh well.
i dun care.
that's me again.
at least i tried my best and is still trying. :P

i am amazed at myself today+yest.
i finished one module in 1 day or perhaps in 5hours.
at the very last lap.
=.=
that's me agian.
and i realised today that it is only when i got into UNI that i know what is IBM and Google.
boi asked me why am i in computing.
GREAT!
A qns i did not want to answer 'cos i have been answering it for a long time. haha.
how amazing.
and today.
if u asked me about google.
i can tell u its mission, vision, product and etc. [that's what i am tested for today's paper, haha]
3 years.
and it flew by like that..

how i wish there is no exams like yanyan.
do proj till shag, i also willing.
why torture myself with projects and exams.
since i slogged out like hell with or without exams. (read:proj sucks!)
so y not NO EXAMS!

there's no such luck next year.
but i will try to minimise it.

it's also the time of the year where ppl will start to ask "what is the next step"
am at a lost
not at a lost of what to do
but what is a better way to do it.
got alot of insights from exam clique.
good flens!
haha!!
maybe i should work in N__S(fill in the blank) after graduation and got my further studies free.
but then again.
i dun want to do it here!
i am sick of this world "crASS" uni. (please silent the /kr/)
[SERIOUSLY, can someone reform their system?! PUI!]
[ranking is based on res_a_ch by zai kias fr. other place. HAIZ. world "crASS"! PUI!]
(do not know why have to censor it. this is a blog. i am using negative word of mouth. in any case. i have deleted some letters so tt when searched on it.. i will not be accused of defaming! i blessed those who missed my blog n decide to go there to study. (read:this is my FEELING. i am not defaming anybody))

felt like gg aust 'cos its cheaper.
but no recognition.
however, i do not think i am qualified for the top notch sort of uni too.
unless..
i miraculously got some luck.
oh well..
in any case..
the most desired wish that i would like to get out from the study would be to enjoy the 4 seasons! roll myself in the crisp grass of SPRING~ WOOHOO!!
i missed my USA days.
I wanna go back to US again! (perhaps work and travel?! shrugs)
enjoy the spring and bask in the sun.
oops.
did i say i want to go get a degree?
oh well..
the season looks more tempting to me. :p

that's me.
 

Hee Hee

apologies for the bad speellings n grammar-ES

hahaha..
yeap..
did such a long post for each bkk trip's day
please pardon me for the bad language..
i spotted MANY of them..
well.. my apologies.. am so tired to go back and changed it.

each indiv posts are my first drafts.
with no checkings..
so please be tolerant and ignore all mistakes k! =)