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i suppose the title can somehow describe how i am feeling right now.
i am not depressed.
just..
feel something is missing.

i've learnt quite alot for the past few weeks.
i've learnt..

美丽的风景只有在你累的时候才最动人。
好盼望每天都能看到的风景，
真的会让你每天都有这种感觉吗 ?

失败的定义
其实是自己给的.
失败过,
不管在怎么努力..
没有那份勇气.
怎样都站不起来。

在一天内，
一个人可以笑好多次。
但，
每一个笑，
都有不同的意识。

怀念，
真的只可以让你念着。
想回到过去，
也只能用想的回去。

努力，
有时候是费的。
天分，
才比较实在。
但是，
如果， 你有努力和天分。。
那。。你该知道你会得到什么。

快乐，不开心，愤怒。。
种种心情，其实不是自己给的。
而是，
因状况而产生的。

懦弱和勇气
其实，
只是一线之差。

最后，
人是复杂的。

still got alot.. but i seem to forget.. :)

remember this phrase from someone. (forgot who.. 'm sorry)
"I seem to lost myself while trying to find the new me."
find it very true.
my normal "no life" routine (i think my sistaz know wad it means lar..),
made me realise that everybody is caught up in the rat race.
be it u r working or u r studying..
"A fulfilling life is better than slogging your life for good results.."
may sound familiar to some,
may sound stupid to some.
i fall into the first category.
so familiar..
but i realise..
by having a fulfilling life..
would mean good results.
good results are actually a subset of fulfilling life.
men wans
money.power.status.
fulfilling life = money + power + status
dun say its untrue.
whatever you want for a fulfilling life,
it somehow are tied up with that three WOW words.
scared?
for wad..
you have been living in this sort of world for so long..

i'm still finding myself..
but the problem is..
i am very slow in looking for things.
have been thinking of hospitality again..
hahaha..
i need to 打很多电话。。 (mei will know wad i mean..)
darn it.
but i scare i 打了。。
又是个错误的选择。。
还是继续找吧。。

hohoho..
i seriously need a treasure hunter's spirit in my life..
girl (april),
SERIOUSLY,
i am damn proud n so jealous of u..
hohoho..

我被你们摸到

yes.
被摸到。
this is what chingy says when she receives my card.
i wan to say i 被你们摸到too.
TOUCHED.
SUPER DUPER touched!

hahah..
我一个人又冷又累在library mug..
hoping i can get some warmth.
probably a jacket..
'cos the stupid me can hold my jacket in my hands and realise it is lost only a few hours later..
it is my bday prezzie somemore..
'm totally disgusted with myself!
yar.. so i m freezing in the lib..
no jacket man 'cos he got exam.
and i also shy!

den..
i met my sista..
woo.. shan mei mei, i love ya..
hahaha.. she brought 2 jacket.
1 for her n 1 for me.
to use till i buy a new one!
wahlao~
摸到摸到摸到。。
u all is my besta frEnz

den.. this morning..
i receive a call..
ching mei mei..
she says her mama cook food for me..
she bringing to school for me..
argh..
摸到摸到摸到
rant the whole day wanting to eat homecook food n woohoo..
got home cook food to eat liao..
tho i vv shy..
hahahah..
ching mei mei's mama food is nice de wor..
am so excited!

happy happy!!

okie..
back to my JApan..
lauZ..
i read until i wAn to sleep.
Nara, Hein, Tukugawa, Meiji.. think miss out smth in between.. den u must rmb all those stupid ppl. i now only can rmb Fujiwara.. who marries all his daughters to the emperor.. Eeewwwwew..
okie.. back to the books!

JiayOu pEeps.
JiAyOu BOy~
JiaYOu Moi~

i'm the late musketeer..

muahahah.. yep.. the late musketeer is here to blog about her idea! muahaha...
tt's my idea. sweet right.
Congrats!!
tho i came so late.. and everything is done.
and not all my ideas are used!
=.=
All the best~ Together Forever! :p


okie.. am bored.. so decide to blog..
have been raining for days.
have been reading for days.
i is BORED!
i is SIANZ!
so many overdued post..
will keep u guys update again!

oh yeah.. I DESPERATELY NEED JOB.
muahahah.. wad else is new.
tok to me if got lobang! :)

JiayOu peeps!

youtube's queen influence..

for him..

作曲:人工卫星填词:李焯雄

都可以随便的
你说的我都愿意去
小火车摆动的旋律
都可以是真的
你说的我都会相信
因为我完全信任你
细腻的喜欢
毛毯般的厚重感
晒过太阳熟悉的安全感
分享热汤
我们两支汤匙一个碗
左心房暖暖的好饱满
我想说其实你很好
你自己却不知道
真心的对我好
不要求回报
爱一个人希望他过更好
打从心里暖暖的
你比自己更重要

回忆里满足的旋律
你手掌的厚实感
什么困难都觉得有希望
我哼着歌
你自然的就接下一段
我知道暖暖就在胸膛
从来都很低调
自信心不高
你比自己更重要
我也希望变更好

to kill time.. n oso some tots

hmm..
tat n sern, muz b now in their bed sleeping their heads off.
i still have to wait till shyan to return me my keys.
its ok.
i shall use this time to blog.

it's a crazy week.
how crazy is it?
dun wish to elaborate.
but its the worst.
*i think*
the effect of this week is still on me.
haha..
mayb tt's my life.

in any case.
wld really thank all those who realli help me out.
esp. tat. (for yest.)
cant thank enuff.
me, yanyan, chingy will rmb u!
muahahaha..
n whoever that i see/tok to this week.
it matters. :)

thanks for this mOrning, boys!
realli a GOOD therapy for me.
muahahaha..
minesweeper, toking cok, movie, tibbits, the company..
wad more can u ask for..
when u actually plan to study overnight in central lib.
*ooh.. n i complete a mission for tat.
feel damn proud too.
tho, tt "mission" was meant a small getaway..
but my suayness will never decrease..
so stupid things happen again and with tat's help.
somehow.. it's solve.
budden tt mission was fun!!!*
hahahahaha.. darn!

oh yar..
and when i woke up from that nap..
and realise dawn has come..
woot.
pretty.
the feeling is good.
i seem to forget my stress.
took a walk at the balcony.
damn. BEAUTIFUL.
i even caught sight of an airplane with the orangy-blue sky as backgrnd.
PRETTY PRETTY PRETTY.
and with stupid jokes by the two of them..
hahaha.. best time of the week!
one sad thing would b the grave of fireflies cant load..
if i know.. i shld have watch the classic.
eeewww..

lastly,
would like to tok abt this person.
vv gan dong.
tho she nvr do anything.
but tt concern she gave me,
makes me feel so loved n so guilty.

she is my er.. childhood fren?
born 2 mths after me.
and we grow up playing n studying together till we r pri 5 (tt's when we separate).
i can still rmb some of our childhood memories.
n it really feels good to think back.
somehow,
that separation drifts us apart.
men are weird.
frens who are so close, can become so distant when each of them has different agendas in life.
i'm so happy..
she is doing so well.
alwaz an artist, forever an artist.
she did not prove me wrong. :)
when we r small..
we stick arnd doing our art hmk together..
hahaha.. i alwaz vv stress up.
her drawings all A wor..
even my mama says she talented.
so when u choose to go *shit, forget. Laselle? Nafa?* art school lar..
i know she will excel.
she is doing great.

hey girl.. realli u r doing great. :)

men.. tho separated..
but then
there's smth in you that u will never forget.
tt smth is call memory.
it is alwaz there in yr heart.
y heart but not somewhere in yr brain.
hmm..i feel tt..
things tt dun make u forget/reminisce is smth that touched yr heart in someway or another.
disappointment, love, sadness, etc etc.. all these...
are from yr heart.
not yr brain.
therefore, once yr heart is being affected in someway.
u will never forget.
that's how i feel.

well.. yep..
our 2 families are close.
that's why when we look back.
besides us affecting each other.
our family members do play a part.
u rmb my granny.
i rmb yr bro, papa n mama.
somehow.. to hear tt they are doing well.
it feels good. :)
thanks for showing concern on tt day.
n thx for encouraging me!


jiAyou! jiAyOu! jiAyOu!

是不是

是不是
屋子要塌的时候,
你才想回家看看.

it's back

mei ask me @ lunch today，
"it's back ah.."

den i ask her is it very obvious.
she say yes.
hai~

yes.
it's back.
'cos its the time of the sem again.
everyday..
it seems worst.

vv angry!
i hate this time of the year.
i cant breathe.
i've drowned on some days.
and revived for some hours and den died again.

"4" this number is what i'm looking forward to.
"17", end of my misery?
"XX", will i die of disappointment?

i is 懦弱。
i is 可笑的。

the fact had actually never left me.

determination

Can you see the determination in her teary eyes?

i can.

she is a strong girl.

可笑。。

好大的战争。

好大的差别让我无法呼吸。

他们说，
她们说，

都是假的。

只有自己最明白。

...

有人告诉我,
没有必要自卑.

可是,
往往,
好大的差别不由得你不去这么想.

"辛苦"这两个字.
是谁写的?

life

have been doing alot of thinking nowadays.
when i am walking,
when i am on the bus,
when i am stoning..
etc..

wad is life.
wad do u wan in life?
can u control yr life?
i believe in destiny.
yes.
fate.
vv silly.
but somehow, i choose to believe it.

finished my "Notebook",
different from the movie,
but then again..
it got me thinking.
there's the part, where Allie realise she got Alzemier.
And Noah, who loves her dearly,
was there with her when the doctor tells them the condition..

memory.
good or bad.
it is yr life.
erased.
and that's it.
wad's there to live for?
live for yr family?
when u dun remember them?
well, many will say, its good to forget.
but, is it?

to Noah,
it's devastating.
knowing yr love one is sick.

got to see this show in the evening yesterday.
the granny died infront of his hon.
sadness.
how sad can it be to see yr love one leave u?

got to hear alot of stories nowadays.
feel sad about life.
it's unpredictable.
how it affects someone.
and it somehow got me to think about my granny n grandpa again
at the age of 15.
do i know wad is the meaning of parting?
can i feel the pain?
mayb yes,
a little.
wad about my grandpa.
i alwaz rmb the red eyes i saw.
can i feel it?

mayb not then.
but i can feel it now.
mayb i have matured.
i think.
i went to visit him yesterday.
not really visit,
juz to bring food for him n my uncle.
he asked me," 'm i working now?"

it's ok for the elderly to forget such things.
memory fails.
and he got a lot of grandchildren
cant keep track of everyone right?
but tt's not the 1st time he ask me.
its ok to think tt i am graduating.
but he ask me whether i am working..
i'm..
speechless.

on my way home,
i rmb my grandpa to be the strong n healthy guy.
but,
it seems like
after my granny left.
his health deterioate.
plus so much things happen at home recently.
is he happy?
i wOnder now..
as in the emptyness w/o my granny.

life.
who controls it?
you, me or destiny.

today,
i walk pass the pgp canteen.
saw the little girl i alwaz saw in pgp.
wearing school uniform..
watching tv in tv room.
walking arnd
doing the little things tt she like.
i saw her.
sitting alone in the canteen.
reading in the dim light.
waiting for her mummy to close shop.
do i feel sad for her?
abit.
den i ask myself.
y shld u?
she is happy.

Happiness is how u define for yrself.
my life is good.
way too good.
i juz dun cherish it.
i will juz live it to the fullest.
juz dun have anymore regrets.

i know i make a lot of silly mistakes.
take alot of wrotng steps.
hurt alot of people.
can i make amendments?
no point looking back.
mayb i shld look forward.

miracles will happen for people who wants to fight on but not for those who wish miracle will JUST happen in their life..

loSt tOuch

i'm back to reading.
Hurray.
i tend to forget the joy it brings me.
'm happy.
i decide to pick up a book and read.
For many many months...
or perhaps,
for a year..
i keep wanting to read..
but
time forbids me

now,
i pick up the "Notebook".
and it become some sort of my bedtime story.
tho its only a few page.
but..

I'm happy.

please let it continues..

时光机器

如果时间可以倒转,
这个世界会是怎样的地方?

假面的告白

发现自己一直带着面具.
戴久了,
就习惯了.
忘了自己真正的样子.
每天,
就这样的过.

你看到我的疯狂,
你看到我的笑颜,
你看到我的洒脱.
这真的是我吗?

他们说,
我这样子很好.
真的吗?
我厌倦我的面具.
我厌倦我的逃避.
我厌倦我的懦弱.
我累了.

没有勇气的女孩.
戴着面具往前走.
用她的假面对待一切.
告诉自己,
"没有问题了."
可是自己知道它还存在.

是真的吗?
还是想太多.

越想隐藏,
越受不了.

讨厌这个我.
讨厌这个面具.

就像他说的: "我是个罪人吗?"

最初的梦想

范玮琪《最初的梦想》

* 如果骄傲没被现实大海冷冷海啸
又怎回头的要有多努力才走得到远方
如果梦想不曾坠落悬崖前据一方
又怎会晓得执着的人也有隐形翅膀
把眼泪装在心上会看出勇敢的话
可以在疲惫的时光闭上眼睛闻到一种芬芳
就像好好睡了一夜直到天亮
有人边吵着又哼着歌用着轻快的步伐
沮丧时总会明显感到孤独的重量
我渴望懂得的人给些温暖借个肩膀
很放心一路上我们的默契那么长
穿过风又绕个弯心海仍旧像往常一样 *

# 最初的梦想紧握在手上 最想要去的地方
怎能在半路就分合 最初的梦想绝对会到达
实现了整个渴望 才能算到过了天堂 #

Repeat * # #

沮丧

today is a 沮丧的一天。
心情超不好。
为什么。。
我总是这么差？

-.=
=.-
=.=


不可以放弃。
好怕。

拥抱

歌曲：拥抱
歌手：五月天 专辑：听不到你


脱下长日的假面奔向梦幻的疆界
南瓜马车的午夜换上童话的玻璃鞋
让我享受这感觉我是孤傲的蔷薇
让我品尝这滋味纷乱世界的不了解

昨天太近明天太远默默聆听那黑夜
晚风吻尽荷花叶任我醉倒在池边
等你清楚看见我的美月光晒干眼泪
那一个人爱我
将我的手紧握
抱紧我吻我喔爱~~~别走*

隐藏自己的疲倦表达自己的狼狈
放纵自己的狂野找寻自己的明天
向你要求的誓言就算是你的谎言
我需要爱的慰借就算那爱已如潮水

repeat*

那一个人爱我
将我的手紧握
抱紧我吻我喔爱~~~别走

抱紧我吻我喔爱~~~别走
抱紧我吻我喔爱~~~

我喜欢..

take a vv long bus ride..
sitting dwn by the window with a FM.
alone.
looking out of the window.

I love 151.
the non-aircon one.
sitting by the open window and let the wind blow into yr face..
Stoning.
Dreaming.

I love the night @ vivo.
sitting there n stoning.

What do i actually like..

Serenity.

say byebye!

darn it.
my lappy gg to say byebye to me.
it auto shut down again!!!
AGAIN!

dun pull stun on me..
i have tons of work this week!

i have a "wonderful" life