with respect to science -- an analogy

i think i am in the doldrums.
I am still spinning around outside the blackhole.
life suddenly seems bleak or uncertain.
you never know whether i will gain enough energy to get out of the blackhole or touch the event horizon and get suck in..
the latter sounds like a huge possibility as i am still clueless about where i want to go..
so by the 8th month if i am still not decided, i wonder will there be another few more months for me to spin around?
so spin and spin round the outside of the blackhole i will go..
seeing the stars die and born.
seeing stars that dazzle the universe.
so spin and spin i will go.
these events that happened sometimes make me tempted to STAY and GO.
paradox.

@.@

spin and spin i will go.
so what if i decide to go?
I will definitely have lesser energy compared to the rest of the element outside the blackhole if i were to go out.
but well..
no choice..
i was spinning around aimlessly for so long..
i tried to gain energy but certain circumstance forbid me to do it.
so if i were to go..
well.. this is the sacrifice i have to accept.
will i experience time dilation?
everything around me seems to accelerate past me..
or will i experience twin paradox relative to my soul if i have found the right aim?
will there be an acceleration for me that if i were to return to my soul.. i will seem so young 'cos i am happy but in actual fact my soul is already so old.
GOSH.
so much uncertainty.

but if i were to stay.
i will get suck in the blackhole.
and never to get out.
i cant escape..
and what will become of me?

i think i will continue to spin first... [i am still enjoying it]
FWAH