life

have been doing alot of thinking nowadays.
when i am walking,
when i am on the bus,
when i am stoning..
etc..

wad is life.
wad do u wan in life?
can u control yr life?
i believe in destiny.
yes.
fate.
vv silly.
but somehow, i choose to believe it.

finished my "Notebook",
different from the movie,
but then again..
it got me thinking.
there's the part, where Allie realise she got Alzemier.
And Noah, who loves her dearly,
was there with her when the doctor tells them the condition..

memory.
good or bad.
it is yr life.
erased.
and that's it.
wad's there to live for?
live for yr family?
when u dun remember them?
well, many will say, its good to forget.
but, is it?

to Noah,
it's devastating.
knowing yr love one is sick.

got to see this show in the evening yesterday.
the granny died infront of his hon.
sadness.
how sad can it be to see yr love one leave u?

got to hear alot of stories nowadays.
feel sad about life.
it's unpredictable.
how it affects someone.
and it somehow got me to think about my granny n grandpa again
at the age of 15.
do i know wad is the meaning of parting?
can i feel the pain?
mayb yes,
a little.
wad about my grandpa.
i alwaz rmb the red eyes i saw.
can i feel it?

mayb not then.
but i can feel it now.
mayb i have matured.
i think.
i went to visit him yesterday.
not really visit,
juz to bring food for him n my uncle.
he asked me," 'm i working now?"

it's ok for the elderly to forget such things.
memory fails.
and he got a lot of grandchildren
cant keep track of everyone right?
but tt's not the 1st time he ask me.
its ok to think tt i am graduating.
but he ask me whether i am working..
i'm..
speechless.

on my way home,
i rmb my grandpa to be the strong n healthy guy.
but,
it seems like
after my granny left.
his health deterioate.
plus so much things happen at home recently.
is he happy?
i wOnder now..
as in the emptyness w/o my granny.

life.
who controls it?
you, me or destiny.

today,
i walk pass the pgp canteen.
saw the little girl i alwaz saw in pgp.
wearing school uniform..
watching tv in tv room.
walking arnd
doing the little things tt she like.
i saw her.
sitting alone in the canteen.
reading in the dim light.
waiting for her mummy to close shop.
do i feel sad for her?
abit.
den i ask myself.
y shld u?
she is happy.

Happiness is how u define for yrself.
my life is good.
way too good.
i juz dun cherish it.
i will juz live it to the fullest.
juz dun have anymore regrets.

i know i make a lot of silly mistakes.
take alot of wrotng steps.
hurt alot of people.
can i make amendments?
no point looking back.
mayb i shld look forward.

miracles will happen for people who wants to fight on but not for those who wish miracle will JUST happen in their life..